You may find in life that some individuals are more guarded than others. For example they may talk freely about some topics and constrict the information they are giving you in other areas. Some people may just shut down completely. This is because they feel naturally inclined to protect themselves in certain situations. You may know someone like this or you may well be this person.
If you are this person it is important not to bottle up your emotions. Suppressed anger is not healthy neither is suppressing your frustrations as this will lead to resentment towards the person who has hurt us. We often assume that other people should know what it is that they have done wrong. However, they are not mind readers so it is down to you to make them aware of your feelings, as often they do not even realise that they have hurt you. So the way that you express your anger is important.
Some people are inherently uncomfortable with other people expressing their anger. This is down to their own personal experience. The same way you expressing your anger is down to yours. However, just as our experiences vary, how we express our anger varies as well.
This is when it is time to communicate, let those close to you know how you are feeling and what actions occurred in order for you to feel that way. Sometimes our own selfish needs may cloud our judgement but it is important to share even if you are embarrassed about how you are feeling. Remember it is never a bad thing to recognise when you have made a mistake.
Your instinct may be to isolate yourself because you do not want to make the same mistake twice with another individual, but by separating yourself you are severing your ties to potential happiness. Humans are social creatures, we were meant to be surrounded by other people in a community and this sense of community can bring us great comfort and security. Interacting with others, holding hands, hugging a friend, stroking a pet or kissing a loved one dramatically decreases our stress levels.
This is interesting as within a community you may also recognise that people with a strong protection instinct are often quick to defend or protect other individuals, who they may deem to be more vulnerable than themselves. This is a stimulating interaction to observe as if you look at the reason why they are behaving in that manner is because those who protect other people often do so as there was no one to protect them when they felt that they needed to be protected.
No matter how strong a person may seem, they will always appreciate when someone shows them kindness. Kindness provokes interactions which can lead to friendships that improve an individual’s life. Adopt a positive mind set, open up and embrace intimacy. You may get hurt, but it is only temporary and that is a part of life.
Written by Hannah Johnson