Sometimes you do not get closure. You do not get an explanation or an apology. To find peace within yourself you will need to accept an apology that was never given. This is because by holding onto the anger that you feel over this injustice will wear you down. This goes for previous relationships, friendships or the playground bully.
You want to be able to explain to the person who wronged you how you feel and show them the consequences of their actions. You want to feel in the right. You want them to be able to recognize what they did wrong. You want them to explain to you why they chose to do or act in the way that they did, you want an admission of guilt. And ultimately you want a resolution. But sometimes the only resolution is for you to walk away and let this intoxicating person go.
Each of these previous examples will have hurt you in different ways, but the way we process and deal with our emotions in given situations are often the same. You may find yourself stuck in a reoccurring pattern, forever trapped in the same cycle; this may be because of the way you have chosen to deal or not deal with the emotional trauma and turmoil that you have experienced.
You yourself may have brushed off the hurt from a failed relationship, broken friendship or the humiliation caused by your arch nemesis from your school days but you probably have not forgotten it. This may go a long way to explaining that smarting feeling you get when your partner exhibits personality traits of your ex, your friend says or does something to remind you of a long lost friendship or when your boss criticises you in public.
The root of most of our anger stems from the emotional turmoil of our past and you can choose to put a stop to this cycle and the unhealthy patterns that you exhibit: expecting the next person to pay for their predecessor’s mistakes. By analysing your feelings and becoming more emotionally aware you can find the root of that niggling feeling in your stomach when someone irritates you or makes you angry but you just cannot figure out why.
By holding onto this anger you will have caused your body immeasurable physical and psychological harm:
- Weakened immune system
- Tension headaches
- Cell production and healing are not as effective
- Low self esteem
- Can may yourself susceptible for other mental disorders
- Creates a negative mental space
By holding this poison inside you for a long period of time can cause:
- Dermatological problems, for example eczema
- Increased blood pressure
- Increased risk of heart attack and stroke
- Digestive imbalances
Find a way to be at rest with your past through counselling, emotional awareness programmes or by being more mindful and free yourself from those binding chains, accept the apology that you were never offered and you’ll feel 30lbs lighter!!!
Written by Hannah Johnson