Low Self-Esteem and Anger
Under the right circumstances, an outburst of anger is natural and justified and is designed to protect us from harm. Anger is a feeling that everyone can relate to but it becomes a problem when it is not expressed in a healthy way. Expressing your anger negatively can damage relationships with your friends and family.
Research confirms that behind passive aggressive and active aggressive behavior lies low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem will sometimes use anger when they feel like their opinions and feelings do not mean much. Moreover, feeling self-conscious, victimized or diminished in some way is a trigger for self defence anger.
The connection between Anger and Low Self-Esteem
The lack of self-esteem makes one believe that they are not good enough and unloved. Everyone else around them is better off without their absence. Feeling worthless, meaningless, hopeless and a failure are common signs observed within a person with low self-esteem.
Sometimes you might feel an outcast or unattractive, you feel easily hurt by others and when things don’t go as you expect them to, your feelings manifest as anger or sometimes rage. Reacting with anger seems like the only way to cope with low self-esteem. You are using anger as a weapon to hurt the ones who triggered your embarrassment, worthlessness, and hopelessness.
Feeling Terrible About Anger
People with low self-esteem often consider themselves as horrible human beings for having anger, shame and sadness. They are frustrated by the fact that they constantly feel worthless. Other emotional states can force individuals with low self-esteem to have anger as a secondary reaction.
Such people often find it challenging to self-regulate especially when it comes to feelinging angery or ashamed. The two main aspects of self-esteem are to feel content and competent enough to manage your own emotions. Those who suffer from low self-esteem issues often find the obsession with perfection. They want everything to be perfect and sometimes, they try too hard. Living with a constant sense of failure leads to anger issues.
Oversensitivity in People with Low Self-Esteem
People with low self-esteem tend to be oversensitive. If you have low self-esteem you might feel like others have hurt you severely. Criticism about something that you have done can cause rage, guilt, and shame. To deal with the hurt you feel, the sudden anger directed at the person seems like the only way to help you cope with the oversensitivity.
To deal with low self-esteem and other underlying problems it’s better to evaluate every situation. If you disagree with something, instead of getting angry about it, be open and honest and speak your perspective. It’s more than okay to ‘Agree to Disagree’ with something. Don’t beat yourself about what someone said about you. Neither do you need to take it personally. Speak to someone that cares for you and they will offer you support as well as encourage you to see all your positive attributes. One of the rules that BAAM encourages is to use your support network or anger buddies. They are there to positively encourage you.
An important aspect of improving self-esteem and resolving the resulting anger issues is to talk to a professional about how you feel. Trying to move on from negative situations and criticism on your own is a good way to start improving your self-esteem. Don’t keep all your feelings locked in, that can lead to sudden explosions of anger. Instead, share what you feel and tell the person that you are hurt by their words.
The British Association teaches skills, not only how to manage your anger and stress but to also help you build self-eestem in less than 30 hours