Your Questions Answered
What if it doesn’t work and then all the pressure is on me to get it right?
You are certainly right in thinking that you will need to do the work to make the changes. And we believe that, although the course is life-changing, it is only the beginning of the work that you need to do. We give you the tools and techniques, we give you some practical experiences and the understanding of where anger comes from for you. The small group environment means you get lots of help. We also help you with an action plan before the end of the weekend, and arrange follow-ups to suit your situation.
This is not for me. How do I get someone who is resistant to sorting out their anger to come on a course?
People do have to make their own decisions to come on our courses. The sessions don’t really work if someone doesn’t want to be there. However, we have experienced clients arriving because the judge has made anger management part of the condition of their non-custodial sentence and then, they find by Day 2, that they are really appreciating the learning.
In our experience the most powerful motivator for someone joining our courses is when a loved one says ‘enough is enough!’ We occasionally run introductions to Anger and Stress (http://www.calmingstrategy.com) which you could attend and get some pointers to help you encourage him/ her to attend, or you could attend together. Alternatively call our clinic for a confidential conversation and perhaps we can suggest some ideas.
There’s nothing wrong with me. Everyone else seems to think I am angry, but I am just depressed. The doctor wants me to see you, but I don’t see how it’s related to anger.
Well there are many ways we can express our anger, the most obvious will be aggressively. There is plenty of evidence that depression will often be anger turned inwards. It is similarly unhealthy to swallow your anger, create high levels of resentment of your situation, and of those around you, and not express your feelings and emotions. Our courses work for both imploders and exploders. In our groups, individuals learn a lot from group members who respond in different ways to themselves.
You don’t have a clinic near enough to me.
It’s true that we do not have a clinic in every town. What we do recognise is that people travel a long way for our expertise. To this end we are happy to help you arrange local accommodation. It is for this reason that we find our Intensive Weekend Courses the most popular. The delegates who travel have taken a decision that a short time away from their family is a price they are prepared to pay in order to stop affecting their loved ones with their anger. Their view is, this is short term pain for long term gain.
Why come to Beating Anger? There are loads of other courses out there – some cheaper, some shorter and some longer. How can I be sure you know the answer?
There isn’t one answer, that’s for sure and we are humans not robots, which is why one method does not always work for everyone. Beating Anger is part of the British Association of Anger Management. Since 1998, we have been running courses for over 12,000 people and the feedback is phenomenal. Mike Fisher, founder and training director, is also the author of ‘Beating Anger’ as well as ‘Mindfulness & the Art of Managing Anger’. Every week, his opinion is sought as an internationally renowned expert on anger. Many of our clients attend other courses and then come back to us and say that finally they understand their anger. Our commitment is such that we are constantly upgrading our course material and educating ourselves in the latest developments in the personal development field.
Will I grow out of it? My father was like this as a young man and now he’s quite mellow. Is it just a phase?
We meet lots of people who have waited many years hoping the anger will cool. And then they come on our courses when it doesn’t and their patience runs out.
You are right that age does mellow some of us. However, we have only the patterns of behaviour from our childhood to either copy or respond to. Our courses will show you another way. We know clients who have repressed their resentment and swallowed their anger as a response to an aggressive parent. On our courses they learn to find an assertive way to show their anger that doesn’t hurt themselves or others.
I’d rather have individual therapy. Being in a group means I might meet people I don’t like or even people I know.
The learning that takes place in a group is so fantastic, and lots of ideas come from hearing where other people are and what has worked for them. Practicing new tools with other people really works. For many of our clients, it’s great to maintain some contact with other group members after the course, as they can provide you with support and understanding. One of our rules is to use your support network and a group of people that understand you are a valuable resource. There is real emphasis on confidentiality on our courses, and most importantly, not judging each other.
It’s going to be very difficult to tell the boss that I need time off for an anger management course. It’s even more difficult to tell my partner / wife / husband that I have decided to do something about my anger.
It’s not easy telling other people – give us a call for some help with this.
I can’t afford it……….finances are very tight at the moment and there are lots of demands on my money. I do want to do something about it, but why does it have to cost so much and why can’t I get help on the NHS? The doctor says I need help, so why
Have you thought about the costs of your anger up to now and what it will cost you if you don’t do anything about it? On our courses we talk about time management and, if anger continues in an unhealthy way, then “forced time management” will happen. Many clients wait too long to come to us and then are faced with solicitor’s bills, waiting in court hearings and potential custodial sentences, losing access to their children and to other loved ones. There is clearly a real cost to this, and it really is worthwhile taking a course and making the changes before it’s too late. Our weekend course costs the equivalent of £20 per hour. The courses are not like a weekly counselling session which has an open ended commitment.Cognitive behavioural therapy is available on the NHS. Probation services do offer anger management, but this is only once a charge has been made and often there is a waiting list. Here, you do not need a GP referral and you can take charge of your own life and resources.
It’s not really my fault that I get angry, and it doesn’t affect anyone but me. ….So, what if I get angry sometimes, but it’s justified.
The fact that you are looking at this site says that you recognise on some level you have an issue. Our experience is that often people come to us because they have realised or been told their anger is affecting people close to them. Feedback is that this training is life changing, that delegates feel a sense of release and that their relationships are then improved. We are clear, however, that your anger is your responsibility and that we can only give you the tools to manage it.
Will it really work? Can I have a guarantee ? How do I know I won’t be angry after the course? I have tried therapy and counselling before and nothing has worked
We don’t have a magic wand to cure your anger. However, we are really proud of our courses. We also survey our delegates and 95% say that our courses exceed their expectations. Also 2 years on, 93% state that the course was excellent. We know what we do is great. It does, however, depend upon you building it into your life. We are happy to offer further one-to-one work to help integrate the work more into your life or help you resolve any issues you feel need attending.
I don’t want anyone to know about my anger………it’s difficult enough to decide to visit this website, and then I find out that I have to attend a course with other people. How will I be able to talk about this in a room full of strangers?
Our courses are small groups of people who have the same worries and anxieties as you. The facilitator is very skilled at making the group feel safe and it’s all entirely confidential. In fact we recognise the anxieties that people bring to the groups and make a special point of setting the group up in such a way that everyone feels safe. There is no pressure to talk about anything you don’t want to, but the more you get involved, the more you get out of the experience.