‘Anger Guru’ Mike Fisher and Personal Development Coach Craig ‘Snake’ Bloomstrand are hosting a series of live ZOOM workshops around the topic of ‘Shame’ this spring.
The Tyranny of Perfection program will take the format of interactive group sessions led by Mike and Snake. The hosts will also provide rich information, practical advice, and helpful techniques for mind, body and spirit.
Brene Brown, the feted academic whose TED Talk The Power of Vulnerability brought shame to a global audience, describes it as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” Brown differentiates guilt as remorse over our behaviour, whereas shame is disgust over our self.
Shame, in the therapeutic sense, is a dysfunctional mindset dominated by self-reproach, inadequacy and, for some, self-hatred. Many people seeking help from BAAM’s anger management programs suffer from self-defence anger linked to shame-based thinking. This is often wildly out of proportion. But it can be bolstered by the real-life effects of not only our anger issues but any form of self-criticism, however legitimate, creating a ‘shame spiral’.
Snake explains that the workshop series is titled ‘The Tyranny of Perfection’ because “perfection is aspirational and seldom achievable, while tyranny is reliably abusive and trauma inducing.” Shame-based thinking can express itself as perfectionism; we desperately try to avoid criticism – and self-flagellation – by attempting to live to impossible standards. When this endeavour inevitably fails, our shame is further compounded.
The topics Mike and Snake will cover include:
- Reacting to feedback and criticism – separating opportunities for healthy development from chances for shame.
- Withdrawing to avoid the prospect of shame altogether.
- Destructive comparisons with others, and how this can be a ‘power play’ to avoid responsibility or elicit pity.
- Expressing vulnerability and weakness in a healthy way.
- Embracing personal sovereignty and risk-friendly attitudes.
- Trauma and the ‘fight or flight’ reflex – the polyvagal theory.
- Sharing shame and externalising trauma.
“Facilitated group work develops a measure of emotional confidence and familiarity that better prepares the individual to come out of hiding, and share honestly with significant others,” says Snake of group work. ‘Shame’ is a relevant topic for us all. Whether you struggle with a guilty conscience, harsh self judgment or are simply on a path of greater self-awareness understanding the impact of shame on your emotional well-being is a critical and necessary exploration.
