Adolescence and Male Rage
Short on time? Take a moment to give the audio recording of this blog post a quick listen.
Adolescence recently aired on Netflix – a British crime drama television mini-series created by Jack Thorne and Stephen Graham and directed by Philip Barantini.
And boy did it hit a raw nerve throughout the country – and for very good reason too. As we all sat watching the story unfold of Jamie Miller (debuting Owen Cooper), a 13-year-old boy being arrested for committing an act of murder on a young female classmate, Katie Leonard (Emilia Holliday) – we were simultaneously being confronted with the harrowing question, could this happen to us?
The reality is that we don’t need to look very far for evidence of teenage crime. In the largest survey on knife crime, bullying and gang rivalry in the UK; the Youth Endowment Fund delivered a report on Children, violence and vulnerability revealing that half of teenagers in England and Wales have witnessed or been victims of violence (2023).
Certainly there have been some recent high-profile cases to sadly make the headlines:
Nicholas Prosper, 19, murdered his mother Juliana Falcon, 48, Kyle Prosper, 16, and Giselle Prosper, 13, last month in what turned out to be a wider plot to storm a former primary school and “cause the biggest massacre of the 21st century”. His mother confronted him when she realised he was in possession of a gun and the whole family paid the price following a lengthy and violent struggle. (2025)
Elsie Dot Stancombe, 7, Bebe King, 6, and Alice da Silva Aguiar, 9, murdered in a vicious knife attack by Axel Rudakubana, 18 who stormed a Taylor Swift-themed dance class in Southport. (2024)
Alfie Lewis, 15 was stabbed to death near a school in Leeds by a 14-year-old boy. (2023)
Elianne Andam,15 stabbed to death on her way to school in south London by 17-year-old boy. (2023)
Ava White,12 stabbed to death by a 14-year-old boy in Liverpool City Centre after a row over a Snapchat video. (2021)
What makes ‘Adolescence’ so compelling is the incomprehension of how Jamie – a 13yr old kid with parents who clearly love him deeply, who receives an education, is healthy – seen as a “smart” kid with some mates can end up becoming a murderer?
What are the environmental, social and emotional challenges that our young boys are facing that could be so different to previous generations that leaves them so utterly susceptible to some seriously negative decision making?
Have we, as a society, spent enough time considering the impact our young boys encounter as they traverse puberty? Are we having important and necessary conversations? Owen delivers a stellar performance in revealing Jamie’s absolute vulnerability – in how he switches from bavado to desperation and confusion. We witness Jamie being mocked for being an ‘incel’ (involuntary celibate) – struggling to accept this state of being – when he has barely navigated his own transformation into puberty. Jamie reveals his discomfort – shifting in his seat, scratching his skin – as he tries to come to terms with what it all means frought with confusion, both from external messaging let alone the more perplexing question of how is he to meet his new-found sexual urge – when before it really didn’t matter what girls used to think of him and suddenly it really does! How does he navigate this strange terrain? What man can he go to for advice? Or is he sucked into online channels to grab onto something that will help him assert himself – to dissipate the awkward feelings and urges. An entry into puberty is meant to be held sacred and instead, we witness Jamie being bullied and blasted by a poisonous and toxic representation of masculinity that doesn’t belong in the lap of a 13yr old.
We hear of Jamie being chastised for still being a virgin – in the playground as well as his Instagram feed – mocked, shamed and bullied for not representing what is being demanded of him for being ‘a man’ from people who care the least. Boys may have experienced this in previous generations too – cajoled into proving their manhood in desperately unhealthy ways – but what’s different now, is the level of shame and isolation that is triggered from the sheer volume of ‘no likes’ – rejection with accusation. This scorching exposure of an already fragile sense of self prompts the need to access material that asserts your right to a version of masculinity that usurps the fear and anxiety. What is unprecedented perhaps is the sheer volume of information that young people have access to that will affirm the echo chambers of their fragile minds in desperate and unfruitful ways. Forget Playboy magazine. We have Andrew Tate and unreal porn 24hours a day.
Data from the Office for National Statistics reveals that in the year ending in March 2022 almost 800,000 females aged 16 and over reported that they were raped or sexually assaulted every year in the UK – that’s about one in 30. This figure was 275,000 for male victims.
Nearly a quarter of all reported victims were 17 or younger. This makes it the second-largest age bracket, behind 18 to 29 years old.
In ‘Adolescence’ we observe Jamie’s fragile sense of self repeatedly fall apart in an interview with a child psychologist, Briony Ariston brilliantly performed by Erin Doherty. She comes to assess his reaction to half a sandwich he doesn’t like and questions of his father, Eddie Miller (Stephen Graham), his family – mother Manda Miller (Christine Tremarco) and sister Lisa Miller (Amelie Pease) – and what does it mean to him to be a man.
It is the most gripping piece of television, we are propelled from one emotion to another, as Jamie reveals his deep discomfort in his body language, his mis-trust. He loses control, tries to regain it, intimidates Briony (the psychologist) and yet, still seeks her approval. He insists he isn’t gay, fabricates stories of sexual play, isn’t that interested in sports and is utterly crushed by his father not looking at him when he messes up on the football pitch – confirming his utter sense of failure.
We’re reminded over and over again that this is just a 13yr old boy.
He’s still developing a sense of self – utterly vulnerable to what other’s think of him; desperate for acceptance and approval – revealing the crack in his psyche when he states that ‘of course’ Katie rejected him because he’s “ugly,” – indignant of the lack of observance from the psychologist.
We come face-to-face with how Jamie’s sense of self-worth has been completely eroded – that he believes he is not enough – not on the football field, not as a mate, not as a man.
The more desperate he feels, the more anxious he becomes, the more anger and rage erupt in him. Unhinged, powerless and out of control, he attempts to regain control by stomping around, throws his hot chocolate and chair across the room; intimidates the psychologist in a way that leaves absolutely no doubt in your mind that he is capable of violence – of intent to harm, of making sure he is heard, of punishing – of murder.
Despite Jamie having the seering ability to emotionally strike at the psychologist – he is in no way capable of sitting with his distress. There is such a palpable dissonance here. He had to act out on the rejection he felt from Katie. He did not or could not voice all that he felt. He did not have someone who could talk him through all his conflicting feelings; reason with his mis-judgements, sit with him in his pain, find a way through all the confusion. To remind him he was the master of his own body and that he had value regardless of whether he was a virgin or not. Instead, he hid behind his screen with hundreds of voices in judgement. He could not bring his vulnerability to anyone – despite the loving family. So instead, he sought to assert himself with power, to dominate with violence. To feel powerful.
He is not alone.
62% of women in the UK are killed by their ex-partners.
Between 124 – 168 women are killed by men a year. Femicide Census UK.
Katie paid the price.
Finally, Jamie is hauled out of the room pleaing with the psychologist to tell him that she likes him, as a person. It is so sad, so desperate and so true. Because, after all, that is all we want – to be accepted, liked, loved, valued.
It is a tremendous series in revealing how anger is used to usurp all the inadequacies, vulnerabilities, unchecked attitudes. How we all pay the price for the lack of emotional engagement with our young people, when there is no attunement to their own needs instead of our own and when there are no adults modelling emotional regulation.
If the TV series had any intent to provoke a conversation it certainly achieved it.
As adults we have the responsibility to model healthy behaviour and advocate critical thinking. We live in a world where we leave boys to ‘get on with it’; ‘get over it’; to ‘sort themselves out’; to ‘man up’. To manage and deal with the avalanche that testosterone and puberty brings – both physically and emotionally. Fathers can’t start these conversations if they’ve never had the conversation before themselves. It’s convenient to think that it’s not a big deal, but Jamie has so highlighted just exactly what a big deal it is. And this conversation has been far too silent for far too long.
Suicide rates are vastly higher amongst men than women among all age groups across the world.
Turning this around starts by becoming emotionally literate; we cannot guide young men if we do not feel equipped ourselves. Educate yourself, do your personal work. Invest in yourself. Get messy, it’s okay to make mistakes, use humour. Work it out together. Trying matters more than nothing. If you don’t, the wrong people certainly will.
Paul Abramowits book – Sexed and beating Anger