I booked on an intensive Anger Management weekend, with Mike Fisher, with the focus on professional development. I didn’t view myself as angry or in need of input personally. An hour and a half into the program and I was clearly in therapy myself. A reluctant participant, in as much as I would not have chosen to put myself in therapy, I embraced the program fully, knowing that I would only get out as much as I put in.
Over 3 days, Mike led me, and several anger buddies, on a journey. He explained the links between feelings, emotions and behaviours. He unravelled some of the intricacies of relationships and increased my understanding of how my behaviour affects and is strongly affected by others. He supporting me in learning how to use a variety of tools to enable me to explain and share my feelings in a positive and productive way and to deal with events giving rise to anger, in a manner which enables all participants to gain a clear picture of what has happened and communicate feelings in a useful and effective way.
My journey continues and I now need to put into action what I have learnt, both in my personal and professional lives. My feelings of anger will still come, but they will not control my destiny. I will do that. I am responsible for me and I can choose my behaviour. I also have the support of my anger buddies, who understand and know how to listen to and support me on my journey.
Money well spent. Get on the first weekend you can!
Dear Mike, It has occurred to me to write to you a few times recently and I am now actually doing it! I am feeling to share with you the journey I have embarked on since I attended your 3 day anger course last October, 8 months ago. Having overcome severe anxiety, I found my anger re-surfacing and felt compelled to make a strong commitment to do something about it. I booked onto your 3 day course and read your book, ‘Beating anger.’ The 3 days provided me with a fantastic springboard to open my Pandora’s box of anger, and begin to sift through the shit and the gold and everything in between. I have worked hard, but not with harshness, and in the last month or so, there has been a paradigm shift in the way I see myself, the world and others. I have made a positive choice to say ‘no’ to work environments that are toxic for me; I am embracing creativity through writing, craft, design and painting; I am making gratitude a daily practice. I am enjoying my children more and more, and accepting them fully. I am practicing parenting with firm, clear boundaries, implemented with gentleness, consistency and an abundance of love, and I am learning the relationship between compassion and boundaries. I have fully accepted that ‘perfect’ is unobtainable and undesirable, and I am recognising the value of trusting in process. I am setting up a women’s group inspired by Brene Brown’s ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ to share stories, while exploring ways of bringing more creativity, authenticity, compassion and gratitude into our lives, whilst talking openly about shame and vulnerability. I have found the strength these last few weeks to say a firm and respectful ‘no’ to my husband’s anger – his passive-aggressive behaviour towards me and the girls, and his rare but explosive aggression which has resulted in pain, fear and damaged relationships. It is so poignant that what I could not say ‘no’ to as a child: my father’s constant anger and rage, I am now being given an opportunity to say ‘no’ to now. I don’t know how it will pan out or whether we will stay together – I am hopeful as he picked up your book for the first time yesterday. I do know that I have a right to have my needs met and to ensure my children’s needs are met, and crucially, that I have the strength to make this happen. Thank you for sharing your story, for writing such a comprehensive book on anger, and for creating and facilitating such an insightful, eye-opening and potentially life-changing experience in your 3 day course – so worth the investment. With love ANON
I don’t usually leave feedback as I am so strapped for time, but your course is unique and deserves a mention. It made me realise how I can avoid anger in the room, and have guided clients through their problems without addressing it head on. But I can now see how anger, in all its hidden guises, is a (if not the) fundamental component of all psychopathologies – and reciprocal relationships. And knowing how to help someone connect with it fully, and express it safely, is really helping them get to the core of their problems, and unlock their potential to solve them. (I am sure that, in so doing, it improves their physical health and wellbeing too).
So I want to thank you for your wisdom and expertise and your inspiring dedication to the subject, because you have undoubtedly made me a better practitioner, and I hope, wife and mother too.
Anon, Accredited Child and Adult Integrative Psychotherapist, BA2 January 2015
I have been meaning to write to you for some time now as I wanted to personally say a big thank-you – I owe you a huge gratitude. I found the course to be probably the most emotionally challenging thing I have ever done, but the rewards since have been well worth it. I thought you ran the course brilliantly and it was inspiring to listen to you speak about your experiences and your wisdom about dealing with anger.
It actually took about 2 hours after the course finished for me to notice a difference in my behaviour. As I got off the train in London Victoria after leaving East Grinstead, I headed for the tube and the station was packed with people and I was fighting through the crowds. As I got to the stairs where you enter the tube, there were two fairly old women waiting at the top of the stairs – their luggage was blocking people passing by and they were aimlessly looking down at a tube map. Everyone was squeezing past them, and I felt myself starting to get irritated and angry that these two women were so thoughtlessly blocking everyone and slowing me down! As I squeezed past them myself, I suddenly recognised my feelings of irritation and anger, and I stopped, turned back and asked them if they needed any help. The poor old dears – they were totally lost and confused and were worried about carrying their luggage down the stairs. So I carried both their bags down the stairs for them and showed them what tube they needed to take – they were so genuinely grateful – one of them told me I was an angel and tried to give me a pound coin! Reflecting on this exchange afterwards, I realised I had just taken a moment of anger (which I probably would of seethed about for a little while) and completely turned it around: not only did I help two old ladies out who were so grateful, I made myself feel really good about me for doing such a good deed and feeling their genuine gratitude!
Anyway, that was the first difference I noticed. Since the course, I have managed to really let go of things that would of made me angry and just say to myself ‘it doesn’t matter’. Its made me reflect on how much stress was fuelling my anger, and the negative impact this was having – and has had – on my relationships with my family and ex-partners. I have since had some really good conversations with my family and used the clearing process to go through some things with them that had been bothering me for ages, and, it worked – It really did. I had a 10 day holiday with the whole family in Costa Rica over the Christmas period and it went totally fine – not one outburst of anger from me which is a first!
I have been reading lots about mindfulness and meditation and trying to use this to deal with my stress levels and I feel so much better for it. I have also started Yoga and this feels wonderful and has done great things for the back pain I have been experiencing over the last year.
I won’t be able to make the refresher day as its a bit of a long way to come from the Carribean! I am very seriously considering doing the course in Malaga though at the end of June and building on everything I have learnt.
Its hard to express my gratitude to you in words, but all in all, I start 2015 in a really positive and healthy frame of mind, and I owe that to you. Thank you.
All the best,
Anon (BA2 Nov 2014)
I was told by someone at the beginning that you were wise. And indeed, there is much
wisdom and compassion in the way you work and for which I am very grateful. I think there is probably much that you said that will probably also click over time. For the moment, I keep in mind the question of how much I value myself. All else proceeds from that. I wanted to wish you all the best with the A to Z project and I shall keep reading your blog. Anon, Sussex
“The weekend course with Mike Fisher was truly remarkable and totally inspirational. It was a journey of discovery for us all that not only uncovered patterns and feelings in a very warm, safe space but that shone light in a beautiful way on the essence of what it is to be human. Mike masterfully led, supported and inspired the group to identify and acknowledge their feelings and left us with the tools to carry the work achieved over the weekend into our lives. I did the course more for a learning opportunity for my workplace – I did not think I had any issues – brother did I learn a lot about myself.”
BA2 – Bristol 2013 S. Edgeley
“The one-day refresher was an excellent ‘anger’ health check for me. It re-focussed me on the source-areas that make me angry and, through the analytical methods given me, has enabled me to make some big, positive decisions to help me cope more with managing my anger. Mike is SO good at helping you focus (with sensitivity) and getting to the core of your problems. It was also a lovely group of people with whom I felt completely safe in sharing my problems and anxieties with. All in all, the whole process has been a great benefit to me and is helping bring me and my wife be together in a more loving and understanding relationship than before. I plan to attend another refresher in 12 months time.” Anon, W.Sussex
I am the girlfriend of a participant and I just want to say a huge thank you to you. He is able to cope with his anger a lot better these days and it is allowing for much better communication between us.
He told me you are not feeling good about a girl leaving the course. Just to say so far you have a success story here and maybe her time was not right.
I hope he will be able to carry on working with you in some way or other. I know he is dreading leaving the course. He is an incredibly evolved character, as you no doubt found out, and I see him teaching this kind of thing one day. Maybe you can help steer him in a direction that helps him mentor people too.
Thank You again.
You are a toptastic bloke. I hope to meet you one day.
When I said you changed my life yesterday – I meant it. I know there is still lots of work to do but you gave me the chance to breath again and start to see life with new eyes. I trusted you and it worked and I’ll ALWAYS be grateful to you, really grateful….. I don’t believe anyone else could have helped the same. That’s my genuine belief.
I had forever taken out my anger on others around me and closest to me – so, I decided enough was enough, I needed to sort out my anger before it sorted me out. I was sick and tired of making the same mistakes due to losing my temper and not being able to control myself. It surely could only lead to total self destruction. Being at this low point in my life I researched anger management group therarpy on the internet and luckily found BAAM. It sounded honest and to the point with lots of interesting facts and testimonials to read through which was comforting and led me to believe the course was exactly what I was looking for. I especially wanted to participate in group therapy instead of one to one sessions so I could benefit from others experiences and share my own. In the last 3 months this course has given me the tools to continue changing my life for the better – to train my brain – it will only work if I practice and make perfect – I am so glad for finding this course as its exactly what I had been looking for – I feel fortunate and extremely lucky for finding it – it’s well worth it – I have learnt so much about myself not only with anger but other areas also – and not only about myself but about other people around me also – it’s funny, almost every time I had a question in my head prior to the sessions or at the sessions if I didnt ask the questions myself then someone else would – it was a really amazing experience – it’s a touching experience that I am eternally grateful for and I surely will never forget ever.
J. Edwards BA2 East Grinstead July 2011
The Workshop provided me with 2 tangible tools. An understanding of where my anger comes from and therefore an improved mechanism to recognise the symptoms and address the feelings before they explode into anger. I’ve taken these lessons into my life, and it has had a transformational impact. Thank you. S.Fine, BA2 East Grinstead Oct 2011
I attended a six day understanding anger course, what a fascinating subject Anger is, you have to learn so much about yourself and how your Anger is triggered to be more self aware of why others display Anger in the ways they do. Parents that have attended the Understanding Anger for Parents have been amazed at the content and how simple a complex subject matter can be to take home and reflect on. Calmness and healthy anger can be expressed much better when we can comprehend it better and understand the primary needs that each of us needs to feel. My own family have benefited as they have all attended a course that gives them a clear insight into Anger and it’s guises. Kate Subanney, Development and Commissioning Manager, Understanding Anger for Parents Aug 2011
This is a truly life changing course. While there can never be a quick fix for understanding or dealing with anger, the techniques taught and the insight into why, is a fundamental step in growing as a person. Mike Fisher’s knowledge of the subject and how to make a room of strangers share deep and intimate experiences that help shape the course of our understanding together is unique and profoundly moving. I can’t recommend this course enough and will be attending a refresher course.
N. Evans, BA2 East Grinstead
I just wanted to thank you for all the help and support you given me last weekend. I’m feeling happy, confident and powerful.
One of the biggest thing I learned is that we have a choice and we make the choices that end up getting me nowhere. I practised bit of self control yesterday and was able to calm down when I told myself not to take it personally. Its a very good start and I’m confident I can apply all the methods and techniques that I have learned as my partner is very understanding and supportive. The only problem I had was looking back into my childhood – I don’t remember too many incidents but I guess it will come in time.
In future I hope to have my anger under control and be nice to people who care about me. I also hope I can see my daughter more and can’t wait for the day when I get to take her home and care for her. She means everything to me and I love her so much. I pray and hope that I will be able to build a relationship with her and always be there.
It was an eye opener of an event and learning to open up more and tell my partner about my feelings. I will also start with the logs once I read through the book again with my partner. Good luck with everything you do and hope you go on to help even more people like me. Thanks for everything.
J. Philip, London
This is a truly life changing course. While there can never be a quick fix for understanding or dealing with anger the techniques taught and the insight into why it is a fundamental step in growing as a person. Mike Fisher’s knowledge of the subject and how to make a room of strangers share deep and intimate experiences that help shape the course of our understanding together is unique and profoundly moving. I can’t recommend this course enough and will be attending a refresher course”
Today I feel peaceful, happy and sad.
I never thought I would have the best night sleep last night after such an intensive anger management course but I did feel extremely sad as i missed driving all that way to see you.
I had a great time and I learnt so much.
I had the best experience of my life and gained the most valuable information. Now i feel confident that I have the tools to control my anger.
I am grateful to you and the guys on the course helping me get through this course as I found the whole experience very emotional due to personal circumstances and I am so grateful.
Mike, you are a great guy, a real cool dude. A great teacher who has given me me so much hope. It seems as if my voice has been heard for the first time since i was 10-11 years old.
Have a great Christmas and New Year.
Gordon, East London 2010.
I had asked for a message to passed on to Mike Fisher saying thank you – I had originally had a conversation with Mike a year or so ago I had phoned up to find out about courses after seeing an advert in the local magazine – When I spoke to Mike it refreshing for him to be clearly annoyed that he had to speak to me and then after realising I was not a journalist or a reporter for him then to explain why he had shown such frustration in a very matter of fact way! I couldn’t afford the course or the franchise at that moment of time but I had become somewhat intrigued at the way there was no embarrassment in Mike voice when he apologised and explained his reasons for his initial approach to me it seemed do honest – I did a google search on him and vowed the moment I could afford a course I would do one. It so happened that after much time a random email appeared in my inbox regarding a parenting course and detailed that they were also now running them in Derby I decided I wanted to go and enrolled myself and my partner to attend – to cut a long story short a few days before we were due to attend the course my partner bailed out I flew into what I know to be rage – not anger – had to cancel but decide due to my outburst I would do the intensive anger management weekend the following weekend to save losing my money already spent. I didn’t particularly think I had a serious issue with my anger management – but I am beginning a master in Drama therapy so decided to give it a look more so for professional reasons than for personal reason. Anyway’s a week before the course the book arrived I read it in a day so engaging and amazing was the revelations – I also realised the immense issues I had – I was almost scared to attend the course – the course date came and I made my way to Derby and met Julian and Paula – I cannot believe how much I was affected by the material after the first day – I felt awful at the realisation that my actions were adversely affecting my children, by the evening of the second day I found myself in a situation where before friday would have resulted in me screaming at my sister and left me feeling awful but having said what I needed to say but not sure if had been heard or just telling my sister to shut up and then I would have went away feeling awful and what I had to say would be unheard. By using the feelings wheel I clearly, calmly explained how I was feeling and how I viewed the situation – in that one conversation she understood things I had been trying to explain and express for years she ended up crying (not nice, but at the same time it was as it was a cry of oh my gosh I get it i’m so sorry!!) and apologising.
I just cannot beginning to express how amazed I am at the simplicity of the program but the effectiveness. I mentioned in the course during feedback that Mike Fisher is just real cool and was told by Paula and Julian that that would be something that he would like to hear – SO Mike you really are immensely cool, cool headed, cool natured, cool giving – YOU ARE COOL!
This is not exactly a brief summary but I ask to be excused – i also mentioned to the lady I spoke to that I felt there were areas of the course that I felt could lend nicely to some dramatisation and felt that I would like to explore this during my learning and would be interested in knowing how I could gain permission to trial a couple of ideas I have and then forward the feed back on to some one at BAAM!?
Just found the whole process really life changing corny I know but very very true! Definitely something I could see my self incorporating into my personal life and drama therapy in order to help others – thought about using masks, taking the unfreezing of past hurts literally as in having people actual step into to different roles and act out what they would’ve wanted to happen instead – so the use of freeze frames at crucial points and then hot-seating into the different roles, and lots more random things have popped into my head since the course ended.
Sorry I have seriously rambled but what I really wanted to emphasise is that I am in awe of Julian and Paula and I know they have been trained my Mike and that they only know a portion of what he knows as they cannot attach the personal experiences that Mike has experienced which came across in the book. SO thank you much you cool dude!!
from Monica – a once exceptionally mismanaged angry individual who now understands there are other ways to express my anger, hurt or shame that does not require me to go down the rage road! – I still however love and respect my anger it makes me human and reminds me that I live each day with passion and purpose as if I didn’t get angry, hurt, sad, scared, shamed, empowered, or happy about things – I would not want to change things and life would remain very much the same – BORING!!
Monica Hall, Necastle-on-Lyme
My apologies for not saying good bye at the end of such an intense and awesome weekend. I rushed out to catch a 5:07 train and realized I left without saying good bye to anyone. I just wanted to say that collectively, you all made a profound impact on me. I learned so much about myself and each one of you. It was incredibly helpful to hear everyone’s vulnerability which allowed me in turn to show my own vulnerability. I wish you all the best of luck in your travels and please feel free to contact me any time.
With Best Wishes,
“Most valuable course to attend, parents went away with a tool kit of ways to help them to understand their own anger and how to deal with their own children’s anger too. We had full attendance on the day which showed how parents valued the learning and how to change their behaviour towards their children. The group bonded well and felt to share their issues with other parents in a safe environment, they also felt they were not alone with their parenting problems.
They learnt how to describe their emotions and describe their feelings better and this would help them to use this with their children so they can gain emotional literacy and well-being.”
“By the end of the 7hr course I saw the light bulb switch on in parents heads, about the changes they were going to make at home to enhance their relationships with their children, and improve their families well-being.”Kate Subanney
Development and Commissioning Manager
Early Intervention, Prevention and Parenting Support, Ealing Council
Understanding Anger for Parents, 28 Nov 2009
I could write so much but I have limited myself…!
“It’s Amazing…It’s incredible…” What is it Jim?
“It’s life but not as YOU know it…”
That is what Mike and his teachings have given me, I would like to thank my fellow participants on 22.03.09, I know (not assume) they feel the same way.That a group of strangers all apprehensive and fearful of what is going to happen can be so changed in such a short space of time, by showing them the way, is astounding and incredible. The results speak for themselves in such a short time and everyone recognises this as the
start of the journey.People who know me know I have had a colourful life not always the colours I would have liked with dark shadows and red mists….now everything is in silver and gold.To change an Irish saying this is MY story…Mike has THE storyAnd what is YOUR story……Remember what is past is not always and what is present can always change not always.
If you don’t want to change your life don’t go on this course!
Many,many thanks,Dave BA2 March 09
It has been 4 months since I attended the BA2 Anger Management course. My feelings immediately after the course were of intense joy, relief and liberation, which came from being able to understanding my anger, the triggers of my anger, and how to manage my behaviours more effectively.
Four months on, and the intensity of those feelings has mellowed into a more realistic view of how to apply, and where necessary adapt, the techniques and experiences from the course into my everyday life.
I have been good at applying some things, and not so good at applying others. But that is OK, as the work is on-going, part of my re-vitalised journey through life.
Everything I have applied so far though has had an amazing and positive effect on my life, and on those around me.
There are still situations which result in me feeling anger. But that is OK, because I have come to realise that feeling anger is a natural part of me, and probably a natural part of being human. Before the course however, the menu of choices I had in dealing with that anger were limited to repressing it, or behaving angrily towards others. Since the course, the menu of choices I have has increased to include a wide range of more healthy and satisfying options. And repressing my anger, or getting angry at people are off that menu.
Thank you, again, to everyone at BAAM for helping me achieve this!
Mike B: BA2 July 2009
I would just like to say I found the course very good, I wish I had gone on a course like this years ago. I hope now I can apply the things I have learned and make a difference to myself and my children’s lives. The course tutors were excellent.
Judy: Ealing Parenting course Nov 2009
Having just attended one of the courses offered by BAAM, I can honestly say it was one of the most transformative, inspirational and life-affirming experiences of my life. From the moment I spoke with Lynne on the phone, her warm and soothing manner put me at ease, and the efficiency with which she dealt with my application was second to none. I would also like to thank all the “behind-the-scenes” team that I didn’t meet, who help Mike and the other facilitators do a fantastic job. As for Mike himself, words alone cannot describe the wisdom, warmth and expertise with which he guided, taught and gently but firmly challenged us to face our own demons and learn how to start turning them into our own personal angels – it is something that has to be experienced to be believed!
To everyone involved, including the other participants, I thank you for your openness, for your unconditional acceptance, for your inspiration, and for simply being there, in the moment.
But most of all I would like to thank you for allowing me to give back to my family the husband and father they deserve, and for giving me back a life much richer, happier and meaningful than the one I went in with.The practical techniques I learned on the course, together with the deeper lessons I have learned, and will keep learning about myself, have allowed me to see that this is my life’s work: to continue to apply the techniques and the lessons every day, and carry on the work started on
the course- though from the vantage point of having completed the course it is as much a celebration of life as it is work.
Mike B: BA2 July 2009
The anger management weekend was brilliant for me – professionally as a counsellor Mike inspired me with his authenticity, his boldness, his interventions that turned peoples’ lives around, and his humour that lightened everybody’s burden – he is a great facilitator and personally to be reminded that setting clear boundaries is helpful to me and those around me, and most of all that I don’t have to take things personally, it made me skip home.
Malai, counsellor Bristol
“Many thanks for such a fantastic course and how I wish I had found it before.
To say I feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders is an understatement. Following the course I now understand my anger in far more detail than I ever could have wished and in addition have a series of tools that have already been put to test and are serving me incredibly well.
I appreciate that this is very much on going work but could not feel better equipped for the challenges ahead. Many thanks again.”
Kit. BA2: Jan 092008
“I am a registered psychotherapist who has trained with Mike Fisher. I am medically diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder because of my anger (mixed with depression). For years, I was consumed with alternating periods of rage and depression. Through extensive psychotherapy self-analysis, I have come to learn that these cycles are natural highs and lows for me. They still occur, but markedly less so.
Mike Fisher’s intensive training programme has enabled me to accept my anger as a natural, biological response to the circumstances presented to me. But further, and more significantly, I have learned how to express my anger in a healthy rather than a destructive way, and I carry this work forward with my clients. There is, in my opinion, too much stigma attached to anger. Anger is a feeling that is equally as valuable as other feelings such as happiness and sadness. The problem for our society is one of inappropriate expressions of anger, often experienced or viewed as explosive anger.
Much worse, in my opinion, is “anger turned inward”, whereby someone dare not express their anger. So they “implode” and damage themselves rather than risk damaging anyone else. We learn the 5 basic anger styles (intimidator, interrogator, winder-upper, victim, distancer) as children and we carry them forward into our adult lives. I can be (and have been) all of these styles depending on how I perceive the “power balance” in that moment. The one style that we generally tend to associate with anger is that of the intimidator. It is the style that gets all the bad press in the form of violent, physical, aggressive anger. I have been that style. I feel shame about it, but I can openly own it. But anger does not equal aggression. Someone can be aggressive without feeling in any way angry, and we need to identify this more clearly. Anger is the single motivator that empowers people to respond to the hurt, sadness, shame and fear they may feel in any situation. I consider myself to be normal rather than abnormal. And Mike Fisher’s programme has helped me to discover this about myself.”
Kevin Barrett, Manchester 2008
“I am a person who has not had an easy upbringing ( as you know ! ). However, I have endeavoured to improve myself and move on in life and through the years I suppose in some ways I thought I had. After all, I had become well known for my own work and practices in anger management and managing aggressive and violent behaviours within the healthcare services. Nevertheless, not up until I attended your beating anger workshops and your diploma in anger management at the British Association of Anger Management did I realise how little in fact I had. Therefore, I want to take this opportunity Mike to thank you in particular, but also the other group members from the April 2005 Cohort. The memories and experiences of those many times we spent together sharing our past, present and future lives to be, will always remain with me. Thanks again!”
Jack Walker, Senior University Lecturer.
“Just a quick note to pass on my gratitude to you and your administrative colleagues, and of course to Mike and Helena again, for the superb course that I attended this weekend. Enormously helpful / enjoyable, and very much looking forward to putting some of the useful tools I picked up into practice. Thanks again, very much appreciated!”
Patrick, London Nov 2008
“I would like to take the opportunity to thank everyone who participated in making the weekend, the most significant journey of self discovery that i have every been on and i understand that in no small part you are to be thanked also. Mike Fisher is truly a remarkable man and through his stewardship this weekend i am encouraged to take the course further. Once again my warmest thanks.”
M. Grant, Oct 2008
“I just wanted to let you know, I have just finished your book ‘Beating Anger’, and it has been a revelation! For years I have been passive-aggressive without even realising it. I have dealt with numerous situations appallingly because of it (the most recent I’ve nearly had a nervous breakdown over it!) and have been wracked with guilt and regret over the way I express my anger.
I have also identified a few major negative core beliefs that I believe have been holding me back and filling me with resentment, and because of them have placed ridiculously high expectations on myself and others, and have also become very judgemental.
Your book, combined with a positive thinking seminar I recently attended, will now help me to overcome these issues and become the person I want to be. Thank you!”
C.L – 2008
“I know I said this on Sunday but I really wanted to let you know that I left the course feeling as though a million light switches have been tripped in my head. The amazing thing for me is that I had acknowledged the problem for many years and whilst I have carried the tools I now know that I needed the instruction on how to use them. You provided a moment of realisation that I have never encountered before. I have spent years as an aggressive and explosive character and am now aware that this stems from the adversarial relationship I have with myself, not those around me upon whom I have heaped much misery and negativity with my outrageous outbursts. There I have said it. Years of denial and the answer has arrived over the course of two days – I have a great deal of toxic shame to deal with.
Since Sunday I have felt far less tense and far less twitchy (the amazing thing is, I have spent most of my life with a whole range of nervous tics and these subsided very early into the course and have so far remained that way). I feel as though a peace has descended upon me now that I have made the first step on this significant and life changing journey.
Anon, Southwark, London July 2008
“I know that thank you’s were said on Sunday, and tears were shed, but now after time for reflection I would like to make sure you all know how great it was to be present.
Please convey my thanks to Mike and Linda for making the whole weekend so worthwhile and such a safe place to be able to find out so much about oneself.
I feel peaceful, powerful and even an element of joy, which I have not felt for long long time. I keep finding myself grinning its weird!!!
Thank you form the bottom of my heart, you are wonderful people.”
C.Cosgrove, Shropshire March 2008
“I took part on the 2 day residential BAAM anger management course in December 2007. I can truly say that it was the catalyst to change my life. Mike was a terrific tutor and gave an insight into the causes of anger, the effect that it has on your body, different types of anger, how to control it and also that anger is not always a bad thing. The course was something that I was persuaded to do, and afterwards I really felt the rewards and I hope that the people around me have done too.
Navina, Dec 2007
” I have been meaning to check in with you for weeks. A big thank you for the weekend – it was an extraordinary time, very powerful, very revealing and for me a watershed in learning how to manage my anger. Thankfully I could see early on how hard this journey is going to be and how much consistency is needed to get there. I am keeping a journal, but not writing it enough, I am checking in when I remember, but slipping when life gets frantic. These tools are so useful, but boy do you need to keep at it and is it easy to slip. I am in touch with some of the support group but will contact everyone eventually. People just love the idea of a quick fix and you know despite being really hard this journey is one that has moments of great reward. LIke when I did the detour method with my husband and put to rest something I had reacted to with fear and anger for years with out knowing why. Now I will not get so upset by water fights ever again and my kids can enjoy them with out having a scared /angry mummy hovering around. Keep up the great work. With sincerest thanks for sharing your knowledge and insight.
Diane, London July 2007
I took part on the 2 day residential BAAM anger management course in December 2007. I can truly say that it was the catalyst to change my life. Mike was a terrific tutor and gave an insight into the causes of anger, the effect that it has on your body, different types of anger, how to control it and also that anger is not always a bad thing. The course was something that I was persuaded to do, and afterwards I really felt the rewards and I hope that the people around me have done too.
“I just wanted to drop you a note on progress to date. I have had a few “flare-ups” since attending the course, but they have not been anywhere near as bad as in the past and I am finding the AM Toolkit works well in most cases. I have also addressed some of the issues that were causing me stress, namely I have stopped seeing the girl who was messing me around, I have just landed myself a much better job and will be moving to the outskirts of London and away from city commuting, which has to be better for my health and sanity! Thank you for all your help and guidance. I can (as well as others) see a big positive change in my personality.”
Greg, London September 2006“As soon as I walked in the door last night I was expected to fill my husband’s emotional tank! I could practically feel my own energy being drawn out of me! No wonder I’ve been getting increasingly tired recently!
I’m so glad that all I experienced over the weekend has confirmed the work I had started on myself a few years ago, but hadn’t noticed I’d allowed to be shut down again. The realisations are still going on today – in fact, I’m trembling with them.”
So I’d like to say T H A N K Y O U, again to you and ALL THE TEAM.
Jenny, Herts July 2006“Thanks for the weekend. It came at just the right time. I wasn’t able to clear face to face with Boss, but did manage to do so by e-mail. Subsequent passage of time has revealed that his view of the situation was incorrect. Before I would have got sad and hurt, but having cleared two things happened. The first was that I found I could understand his vulnerability much more easily and be more compassionate. The second thing as that each of the managers who were involved in overloading me spent the last week avoiding responsibility. As they didn’t talk to each other (one of the main stressors for me) they ended up contradicting each others view of events and the facts as presented by those independant of the situation. This has been absolutely hilarious to observe. All of this helped me to come to a greater equilibrium and trust in my own perceptions as being good enough.”
Ruth, London June 2006
“This class is saving my Entire Life from devastation. It is rocking my world that was near collapse due to not being able to deal constructively with my anger. Why I was not taught the skills I am learning within the course at school I will never understand. These skills are for life and without them life has been very hard to deal with. To me this is Evolution at its very best. Four years of counselling, all I needed was to realise Anger is my Friend and we will get along just great!”
Danny, London May 2006
“A belated thank you for the course that I attended a couple of weeks ago. I am sure you hear this very often but I really did find it hugely enlightening and motivational also. A great relief to see that other people struggle with things in the same way that I do and that if I follow what really are simple steps I should be able to become a better person to be with.
Since coming home I must say that i have been very relaxed and have been able to take things in my stride. A couple of pressure points have come up but I have been able to deal with them in a constructive way. I have noticed if I am likely to be starting down the road of dumping on someone else through keeping my anger in – whilst I have not felt the need to
“clear” with anybody I have been able to step back and look at the big picture and above all not take these things personally. Something that I had been trying to do previously but always found very challenging.
Anyway – a very big thank you to you and your team once again. I look forward to coming on the follow up course.
Many thanks once again.”
Cameron, Milan March 2006
“I really want you to know that my life has completely changed around.. completely..I haven’t won the lottery or found the love of my life etc but what I learnt will stay with me for life. Ninety percent of the depression I felt all my life completely disappeared ..I can’t explain it. .I’m hardly angry and if I am ..I detect my behaviour pattern more easily and gain control again and i’m also ore in tune with what my body and emotions are telling me.
I know I will commit to seeking professional therapy, counselling…whatever it takes for my daughter not to repeat the cycle that I was repeating. I’m committed to talking about depression and anger by personal experience and how it spilled over in every area of my life. I can’t thank you enough.”
Gina, Birmingham February 2006
“I commissioned Mike Fisher to train us in Anger Management because I felt that as frontline public servants, my team of Housing Support Officers, who work with emotionally distressed and often angry people would benefit from acquiring more skills in dealing with such a client group. Mike explained in our initial conversation that the team would need to understand their own anger before being able to learn techniques on how to dissipate or defuse their client’s anger. Following both tranches of the training my personal view, which was echoed by the other staff on the course, was that the course had provided an excellent insight into why we behave in the manner that we do. While accepting that anger is a perfectly natural human emotion there are techniques to be learned and practiced that would enable us to express our anger in much less destructive ways. The course has equipped us with the skills to diffuse people expressing their anger to us, whether in a personal or professional context.
The consensus view from my team was that the course should be universally available to the rest of the housing service and indeed any service that meets members of the public. It also had the unexpected bonus of being a team building exercise and has undoubtedly brought the team closer together.
I would strongly recommend this course.”
Housing Support Service Manager
London Borough of Barnet – August 2005
“I am Michael’s favorite aunt, so I am biased in his favour! If you had known the beautiful, loveable, smiling, clumsy, “stupid” (as we thought – before learning about dyslexia) little boy that I knew, you would realize how far he has progressed in his life. How he has overcome his difficulties, how he hid his shame and unhappiness behind a laughing face. I have learned so much from his book. I didn’t realize that I was angry when I said that I was “irritated” by my husband, or complained that my “children (30+) were telling me what to do!
Mike has written in such a conversational style, that you feel you are sitting face to face with him.
In Hebrew I would say “Kol Hakavod” Michael – all honor to you.
I love you.”
Toni Calo, Mike Fisher’s Aunt, Israel – October 2005
A full year after completing your weekend residential course, I wanted to write to tell you how it has transformed my life for the better. The past twelve months have been the most fulfilling of my life. My ability to manage my anger (I have not once regressed into rage) and to deal with my emotions ‘intelligently’ has unleashed the most extraordinary positive energy that has immeasurably benefited my mental and physical health, family relationships, friendships and work. I would one day very much like to study for the Diploma as I am truly evangelical about the programme’s benefits to fellow ‘angerholics’. I owe so much to your guidance and encouragement – and to BAAM’s wonderful ethos. Thank you so much.
Tony, London – September 2005
“Can’t thank you enough for my life changing weekend, I shall be evangelizing
your work and handing out your business cards!”
Lara, London – March 2004“It might sound a bit glib to suggest that this will be the defining moment for the rest of my life; but I genuinely believe this to be the case. The shadowing illustrated to me the reasons why I get angry in particular situations and the detour method allowed me to understand my attitude towards my relationship with my wife and that this was all down to the ‘baggage’ that I was carrying around from years ago. For the first time I understand that I don’t have to get angry. I could not have been more impressed by your insight and your ability to understand and empathise with all the individuals in the group and their issues. I look forward to meeting you again and to able to say to you face-to-face “I CAN control my anger” Something that I never thought I would ever be able to say (and genuinely mean). Thank you.”
Julian, HertsMike is undoubtedly the most knowledgeable and intuitive therapist I’ve ever met. His honest, assertive approach is both inspiring and empowering. He uses reflective techniques as well as offering practical strategies. This combination provided me with clear direction and the clarity of thought that I had previously lacked. I now feel calmer and more confident than ever before and all the important people in my life have also benefited from my renewed energy and optimism. I also finally agree that anger is a gift!
Jo,Surrey – December 2004
“I think you the work you do is wonderful. I can’t believe how much I have benefited from it. It’s the best decision I have ever made. I’m really gonna miss our Wednesday nights but I have made some very special friends. Thank you once again.”
“I have tried many things, but this is the most concrete method/ pathway and the only one to have made a difference. I’m happier than I’ve been for years and it gets better the more I use the programme.”
“I’ve opened up a whole new way of dealing with my own and other people’s anger. I feel empowered with the new depth of understanding I have of myself and have a good deal more empathy when dealing with other people. My own training work has doubled as a result of doing the course.”
CiCi, Freelance Lifeskills Trainer, London
“Having worked in betting shops for twelve years I was regularly confronted by angry and sometimes rageful individuals. I would either rage back at them or grin and bear it and then take my unexpressed anger home to the people I love most. Having had enough of the pain I got on to an anger management programme with B.A.A.M. This transformed my life and my relationships. I am now able to understand my feelings and express them appropriately and to the right person. I got so much out of the course I decided to become an Anger Management trainer myself!”
Andrew, Anger Management Consultant, Herts“As I got older, I saw a pattern in the breakdown of many of my personal relationships. The course helped make me realise I wasn’t a freak. I’ve learned that anger is often a symptom of previous events – usually from childhood. I started to see why I was angry and where it came from.”
Ingrid, Nurse & Complementary Therapist
“Some people can’t control their anger. Other people can’t begin to express it. Either way, BAAM can help.”