Your Cool Kit
here for a printable page
and developed by BAAM
part of National Anger Awareness Week the British Association of Anger
Management (BAAM) presents this innovative KEEP YOUR COOL KIT which
can be used by individuals, organisations, families, schools and other
groups. This kit consists of anger management activities, as well as tips
on handling anger appropriately and calming strategies for defusing difficult
situations. Please feel free to email or make copies to pass this on to
would appreciate your participation in National Anger Awareness Week by
holding your own Rage Gauge sessions. Whether you are in the office, at
school or at home, follow these simple steps to tackle your anger head
The Rage Gauge is a simple four-stage process for highlighting anger issues
and exploring ways to release this emotion. The Rage Gauge teaches users
to express anger and deal with it in appropriate, healthy and positive
to Tackle Your Anger
1. Identify a small group of about 6 to 8 people, to meet at least once
a day for approximately 15 to 20 minutes during Anger Awareness Week.
2. Have everyone read the Keep Your Cool tips in detail before beginning
the meeting, and have the instructions available at all times.
3. Ask everyone in the group to identify whether:
(a) They feel angry with someone in the group at this moment.
(b) There is anyone they feel angry with in their lives at this moment.
(c) Their anger is getting in the way of their learning, working or relating.
Using the Rage Gauge, simply follow the procedures to explore in detail
any issues that arise between people.
5. If Person A is angry with Person B, then Person A says the following
to Person B:
Person A: "Can I share my feelings with you and will you please listen
without interrupting me".
Person B must
agree to this.
Person A can ask for feedback at the end of the process.
Person B should just listen and must not take anything personally (see
the 6th rule of anger management).
Reaction: Identify what it is you are reacting
to in someone else's behaviour.
Anger: Identify how angry you
are on a scale of one to three, and indicate this.
(1) Simmering___ (2) Cooking___ (3) Boiling___
for example: I am simmering with anger or I am cooking with anger, or
I am angry with you…
Are you holding onto a grudge or can you let it go?
you are feeling angry and you are holding onto a grudge, then tell the
My opinion of you___is that you are treating me with disrespect.
My opinion of you___is that you don't care for me, etc.
Note: If you do not feel angry with the person, LET GO!
Express: What you want from the person
if you are holding a grudge.
Example: What I want is___for you not to speak to me this way
What I want is___for you to stop being nasty to me
What I want___is for you to listen to what I say, etc
Always say: Thank you for listening to me.
OF ANGER MANAGEMENT
1. Stop, think and look at the bigger picture
This rule is about time management.
Time management is about creating time to think about the consequences
between the event and the reaction.
2. It's OK to have a different opinion
Opinions are not facts! They are only what you think.
3. Listen Carefully
Learn – in order to learn, listen
Observe – observe the other person's body language
Verify – clarify information
Empathise – Keep your heart open at all times
Use your support network
A support network is a group of people you can call on when you need to
talk to someone so your anger doesn't get out of control.
5. Keep a Journal
This is a powerful way of not internalising your anger. Your journal can
be used as and when you need to. Record how you feel about what happened,
and your views on a problem. By using your journal it will bring clarity
to the situation.
6. Don't take anything personally
Nothing others do or say is because of you. What others do and say is
a projection of their own reality onto yourself. When you are immune to
the opinions, projections, behaviours and actions of others, you will
not be a victim of needless suffering any longer!
• Breathe deeply, count to 7 on the in breath and 11 on the out
• Remind yourself to "KEEP YOUR COOL".
• Remove yourself from the situation physically and emotionally
• Count backwards from 20 to 1.
• Go for a walk, ideally in a park or open space.
• Visualise a calm tranquil place, e.g. sea or mountains, for about
• Let go of any expectations you might have.
• Remember life is unfair!
• Yoga, meditation, swimming and relaxation, good for de-stressing.
• Take up a relaxing hobby, e.g. gardening.
• Relax in a bath whilst listening to chilled music.
• Listen or dance to music.
• Inhale relaxing aromatherapy oils, e.g. lavender.
Every time you feel angry with another person, you can either express
your feelings, which triggers a reaction in the other person, or not express
your anger, which will then build up inside you until eventually you explode.
You are in conflict with that person (holding onto grudges) and will remain
so until you can resolve matters with them.
this is not done (i.e. resolution is not reached) it is likely that you
will remain resentful or hostile towards them. This serves no-one and
only keeps your anger alive. Often when it comes to expressing our anger
to others, there is fear about how to express it in such a way that it
is clean, healing and empowering for both ourselves and others.
our basic clearing process, you will find that even in the most difficult
and challenging situations you can confront someone, without it developing
into a serious drama. This approach is simple and powerful. Use it in
an angry situation but remember: Practice makes perfect. You will become
more comfortable with this approach the more you use it.
starting the clearing process with someone please make sure that you consider
1. Be certain about the facts relating to the conflict. (NOT your opinions!)
2. Practice the clearing process with a good friend (your support person)
first. This allows time to explore your own projections before doing a
clearing with the other person.
3. Be aware that this clearing is more about you than about them. (It
gives you the opportunity to open your heart to the other person.)
4. IMPORTANT - The other person does not need to justify their behaviour
5. Tell the person that all you want them to do is just listen to you.
6. Offer them the opportunity to give you feedback at the end of the clearing
7. IMPORTANT - Give yourself enough time to do the clearing and ask the
person how much time they have available to do this process.
8. Do not be attached to an outcome, sometimes the process will not go
the way you want it to.
Always start your sentence by saying: "I feel angry with you..."
Then: ... because I have asked you 10 times to take out the garbage".
"What I want is when I ask you once to do something and you say yes,
please do it".
"What I am willing to own about my behaviour is often I do not follow
through on commitments that I make".
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